Mr. R and I recently celebrated our wedding anniversary. Awwww. And what did we to do celebrate? We went out for a nice lunch…we went shopping through all the fantastic tasty groceries at World Market…we watched The Hangover.
*record scratch* Buh?
Yes. The Hangover. I let Mr. R pass that off as a romantic movie. Because, after all, it includes both 1) a dude who’s supposed to get married and does, and 2) a dude who’s not supposed to get married but accidentally does anyway (as one does when one goes to Las Vegas).
At the end of the movie, there’s a wedding. Which, I realized, looks exactly like ALL other movie weddings in the last five years where the people actually get married. Which all look completely UNlike movie weddings where the people do not actually get married.
The point of this post—besides giving myself compliments on being so tolerant of Mr. R’s movie selections—is this:
Movie weddings aren’t like real weddings.
Ta da! I know, it’s the newsiest of new news.
Let me demonstrate with a table. Which, let’s face it, is the REAL point of this post. I like making tables, and I didn’t do any kind of 2011 wrap-up, so hopefully this will give the post an appropriately portentous air.
| My Actual Wedding | Movie Wedding, Type 1 | Movie Wedding, Type 2 | |
| Location | A medium-sized church | A beautiful garden bower set up in the back yard of the bride’s parents’ house | Cathedral bigger than Westminster Abbey |
| Weather | January-tastic | Sunny and perfect (or twilit and perfect) | Irrelevant |
| Bride’s dress | Made by my mom | Sleek and cocktail-dress-like | Could smother a circus elephant |
| Number of guests | Around 150; mostly relatives. (We have a lot.) | Only about 50, since they have to fit on the beautiful folding chairs set up between the gracefully vine-laced gazebo pillars* | Population of India, but more crowded. Ex-boyfriends should all be invited |
| Vows | The regular kind** | Heartfelt, individually composed, and embarrassing to watch | Stuffier than Snuffleupagus with a cold |
| Outcome | Bride and groom are married | After a heartfelt conversation WHILE THE OFFICIANT IS TALKING, bride and groom are married | Key person (namely, bride or groom) fails to show up, or runs away at the most humiliating moment. Bride and groom are not married |
| Reception food | Made by my dad | Irrelevant; too fancy for human functions such as eating | Gobbled by crying relatives during police manhunt |
*Unless the movie is Father of the Bride. Then there are 2342034 guests.
**That is, the regular kind for what one of my friends called a “white person wedding.” I’m well aware that not all weddings are like this in either real life or movies. Just scrutinize the table for evidence of the latter.
What am I forgetting? Attendants? Cake? If you’re married, was your wedding anything like Movie Wedding Type 1 or 2?
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We were married in the small Episcopal Church that I grew up in, and it was blazing hot, because the cooler went out. The wedding dress was $35 dollars,light pink and bought at the last minute because I looked like the stay-puff marshmallow man in everything else. I bought the bridesmaid reversible dresses, so they could wear them again.(Huh?) Very nice wedding despite my snark, about 100 people and a ton of kids. We had a barbecue reception that my brother-in-law and his father cooked at my parents house. Hubby to be even made the beans. BFF made the cake. People stayed all day, and there was volleyball, a pinata, and was reportedly many peoples favorite wedding ever. So, I guess it wasn’t a movie wedding, but it was fun.
Gayle, that sounds like a completely fun and delightful wedding! I think the best weddings are the ones that reflect the personalities of the bride and groom, and yours certainly did.
Either type of Movie Wedding would make me intensely uncomfortable. I get shy in front of crowds–ok, I’m shy all the time–so my own wedding was designed to help me not feel choked with fanciness. It was pretty fun. (And I did wind up married, which was the whole point.)
My wedding featured, in no particular order: A cello quartet playing a processional I arranged myself because a cello quartet arrangement did not exist for that piece, a mother-in-law who took two hours to be satisfied with her hair and screwed up the entire photo schedule, a father and father-in-law who each took separate shortcuts and, of course, got lost (one en route to the wedding, one for the reception), a few awesomely hilarious pictures, a bunch of guys outside the reception trying to convince a dog to drink beer, some gorgeous music, a slide show that didn’t work properly, a caterer who had a nervous breakdown and quit the morning of our wedding, a groom who, upon seeing his bride, joked that perhaps HE should have worn waterproof mascara, a DJ who selected the Imperial Death March from Star Wars as our entrance music, two wedding dresses (a fancy white princess dress and an authentic red Chinese wedding gown), a best man who, when it came time for the toast, produced an actual piece of toast from his jacket and asked who he should give it to, the greatest sense of peace I have ever known, and the beginning of an amazing journey with my hubby. Oh, and this dance-off: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXFzzNeaxV8
Priceless! You have the makings of a novel here (or Movie Wedding Type 3). Especially since it all ends happily. Whew.
Now I’m wondering: did the dog drink the beer?
He did. How it affected him, I have no idea. But he did drink it. (Shockingly, both guys in the dance-off video were stone-cold sober).
Great wedding stories. And I love the chart, Theresa. I’m wildly taking notes–I see several bestsellers with movie rights here. My own wedding wasn’t bad, just boring. No one died or disappeared or did anything to a chicken, so I guess it was OK. Yawn.
Amanda–and NOW I’m wondering how the drunken dog would do in a dance-off. It would be hard to top those guys. Men who dance belong on the Awesome List.
Kaki–thanks for stopping by! Glad you enjoyed the post. Now *I’m* taking notes, because a movie wedding where someone dies, someone disappears, and someone else does something to a chicken–that is sure to be box office gold.
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