Mr. R and I recently celebrated our wedding anniversary. Awwww. And what did we to do celebrate? We went out for a nice lunch…we went shopping through all the fantastic tasty groceries at World Market…we watched The Hangover.
*record scratch* Buh?
Yes. The Hangover. I let Mr. R pass that off as a romantic movie. Because, after all, it includes both 1) a dude who’s supposed to get married and does, and 2) a dude who’s not supposed to get married but accidentally does anyway (as one does when one goes to Las Vegas).
At the end of the movie, there’s a wedding. Which, I realized, looks exactly like ALL other movie weddings in the last five years where the people actually get married. Which all look completely UNlike movie weddings where the people do not actually get married.
The point of this post—besides giving myself compliments on being so tolerant of Mr. R’s movie selections—is this:
Movie weddings aren’t like real weddings.
Ta da! I know, it’s the newsiest of new news.
Let me demonstrate with a table. Which, let’s face it, is the REAL point of this post. I like making tables, and I didn’t do any kind of 2011 wrap-up, so hopefully this will give the post an appropriately portentous air.
|My Actual Wedding||Movie Wedding, Type 1||Movie Wedding, Type 2|
|Location||A medium-sized church||A beautiful garden bower set up in the back yard of the bride’s parents’ house||Cathedral bigger than Westminster Abbey|
|Weather||January-tastic||Sunny and perfect (or twilit and perfect)||Irrelevant|
|Bride’s dress||Made by my mom||Sleek and cocktail-dress-like||Could smother a circus elephant|
|Number of guests||Around 150; mostly relatives. (We have a lot.)||Only about 50, since they have to fit on the beautiful folding chairs set up between the gracefully vine-laced gazebo pillars*||Population of India, but more crowded. Ex-boyfriends should all be invited|
|Vows||The regular kind**||Heartfelt, individually composed, and embarrassing to watch||Stuffier than Snuffleupagus with a cold|
|Outcome||Bride and groom are married||After a heartfelt conversation WHILE THE OFFICIANT IS TALKING, bride and groom are married||Key person (namely, bride or groom) fails to show up, or runs away at the most humiliating moment. Bride and groom are not married|
|Reception food||Made by my dad||Irrelevant; too fancy for human functions such as eating||Gobbled by crying relatives during police manhunt|
*Unless the movie is Father of the Bride. Then there are 2342034 guests.
**That is, the regular kind for what one of my friends called a “white person wedding.” I’m well aware that not all weddings are like this in either real life or movies. Just scrutinize the table for evidence of the latter.
What am I forgetting? Attendants? Cake? If you’re married, was your wedding anything like Movie Wedding Type 1 or 2?